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A police officer pulls over a man who's been weaving in and out of the lanes. He goes up to the window and says, "Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube."

The man says, "Sorry, officer, I can't do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that, I'll have a really bad asthma attack."

"Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample."

"I can't do that either. I am a hemophiliac. If I do that, I'll bleed to death."

"Well, then, we need a urine sample."

"I'm sorry, officer, I can't do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that, I'll get really low blood sugar."

"All right, then I need you to come out here and walk this white line."

"I can't do that, officer."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm drunk."
different jokes

Why were there only 18 letters left in the alphabet? Because E.T. flew off in a U.F.O. and the C.I.S. chased after him.

Doctor Doctor I keep thinking I`ve got a car behind me.
Don`t worry. It`ll pass.

What's a heart's favorite instrument and why?
The organ. It keeps the beat.

Yo mama so fat when she jumps up in the air she gets stuck!!

Yo mama so fat she's on both sides of the family!

Yo mama's so fat, she sat on a rainbow and skittles came out.

Yo mama's so fat that the last time she saw 90210 was on the scales

Yo mama's so fat she needs one barstool for each butt cheek

Yo mama's so fat, she got Baptized at sea world.

Yo mama's so fat, God couldn't even lift her spirits!

Yo momma’s so fat, her drivers license says, “ Picture continued on other side.”

Yo mama's glasses are so thick she can see into the future.

Yo mama so fat people jog around her for exercise

Yo mamma's so fat her feet never get wet when she takes a shower!


Yo mamma so stupid she sat on the tv and watched the couch!

Yo momma's so dumb her friend asked her to go buy a color TV and she asked "What color?"

Yo mama so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 minutes.

Yo mama so stupid that she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order!

Yo mama so stupid she could trip over a cordless phone!

Yo mama so stupid when you stand next to her you hear the ocean!

Yo mama's so stupid she took a spoon to the super bowl.

Yo mama's so stupid, I told her to take out the trash and she moved!

Yo' mama so stupid, she tried to steal a free sample!

Yo mama's so stupid she sold her car to buy petrol.

Yo mama's so stupid, I told her it was chili outside so she went outside with a spoon.

Yo momma so stupid she taped paper to the tv and yelled,"I'm watching paper view."

ur mamas so dumb she got hit by a parked car

yo mama's so ugly she made an onion cry

yo mama's so ugly she entered an ugly contest and they said 'sorry no proffecionals

Whats the difference between your wife and your dog?
Walking the dog is relaxing.

What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.

Why did the woman cross the road?
Wait, better question, why is she out of the kitchen!?

Why don't women wear watches?
There's a clock on the stove.

A man is walking down the beach and comes across an old bottle. He picks it up, pulls out the cork and out pops a genie. The genie says "Thank you for freeing me from the bottle. In return I will grant you three wishes." The man says "Great. I always dreamed of this and I know exactly what I want. First, I want 1 Billion dollars in a Swiss bank account." Phoof! There is a flash of light and a piece of paper with account numbers appears in his hand. He continues, "Next, I want a brand new red Ferrari right here." Phoof! There is a flash of light and abright red brand-new Ferrari appears right next to him. He continues, "Finally, I want to be irresistible to women." Phoof! There is a flash of light and he turns into a box of chocolates.

What do you call a woman with two brain cells?
Pregnant.

Wanna hear a funny joke?
Women's rights.


What do you call an intelligent man in America?
A tourist.


bye hope you like thye Jokes!!!!!!!!


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Cumming COOL jokes . 0 Nov 2 2007, 2:47 PM EDT by Cumming
Thread started: Nov 2 2007, 2:47 PM EDT  Watch
That joke is so funny and the smackdown vs raw 2008 video is awsome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
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